


Like a Bad Sitcom

by Lackaday



Category: The LEGO Movie (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Origin Story, Pre-Movie, Rated T mostly for swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2092689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lackaday/pseuds/Lackaday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Officers Ernest Coghlan, who wasn't known for his social skills, and Alexander Demigliano, who was, were two officers with the Bricksburg Police, until an accident with a relic merges them together. </p>
<p>Frack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don know how to police ver well so lets all jus shoosh and ignore any discrepancies, unless its so wrong that you can tell me what should've happened.

“A _partner_.”

“Is that the only thing outta that whole explanation you heard, or did you get the rest of it too.” The police chief rubbed her hand over her face, hoping to rub the tiredness out of herself in the process. 

Ernest’s expression twitched with guilt, Chief Robbets just catching it before it disappeared under the stern look the officer usually wore. “I got it, ma’am.”

She took a quick drink of her coffee before continuing, content with the officer’s reply. “I’m putting you with Officer Demigliano. You know Demigliano , right?”

Ernest nodded curtly.

“Mhm. I want you two to get along, you hear? Your last partner sent in a _complaint_ , and we’ve have this conversation before.” After a beat, she looked at the door. “Good god where is he anyway. He said he’d be here a few minutes ag-”

She was cut off as an officer about Ernest’s age, maybe a few years younger, hurried in and closed the door behind him. He was clear eyed and neatly kept, if a bit betrayed by his disobedient brown hair that –despite being cropped short to his head- lifted and flicked every which way. Officer Demigliano had full cheeks, an open face, a triangular jawline, and never ceased to strike Ernest as entirely nonthreatening every time he saw the man.

Demigliano pushed his thick, round glasses back up the bridge of his nose and smiled apologetically. “Sorry about the wait, Chief.”

“Get me one of your croissants next time and I’ll forgive you.” She joked, light smile on her face. The Chief took up the folder on her desk and opened it, pointing to each section as she spoke. “So, now that we’re all here, let’s skip to the chase.” She cleared her throat. “We’ve had multiple reports of suspicious activity around the Bricksburg Museum, and we think it might have to do with the recent robbery at the University. After what happened last time, I’m putting you two on duty to watch the building. We need some extra eyes on the perimeter. There will be some of our guys patrolling inside, if you or they need backup of any kind.”

“Overnight stakeout?” Demigliano said in his light voice, leaning forward to better look at the file.

“Mmhm.” The Chief replied, hardly skipping a beat, then continued with the briefing.

Ernest listened, of course. But his eyes kept diverting from the file on the desk to the officer next to him. To say that Ernest hated people would be a lie. He didn’t hate people, if he did he wouldn’t be a police officer. On the contrary, he actually liked people quite a lot. It was _interacting_ with people that he didn’t like. The social queues, the small talk, the guessing what the other person wanted him to say so _they_ would get to say what they _actually_ wanted to tell him. The way people would ask him if he was “feeling okay” because he “just looked upset or something”. It was uncomfortable and best avoided.

He sized up Demigliano over the course of a few short glances out of the corner of his eyes. The man was shorter than him, like most people, and seemed chatty. Ugh. Nn. Hopefully Demigliano would be too focused on his work to attempt small talk during the stakeout. A steely glare or two would probably shut him up, if needed.

When the Chief was done, she handed the folder to Ernest. “Good luck, officers. I trust you two. “

Ernest nodded and turned, walking out of her office.  He only noticed that Demigliano was close behind him when the other piped up.

“So, Officer Coghlan,” Ernest’s expression soured, but he masked it before turning around to face the other man.

“What is it, Demigliano.”

“Alexander, please. Or Alex, I don’t mind either.”

“Alexander, then. What is it.” He said, sharply.

Alexander’s smile faltered just enough for Ernest to catch. Maybe he wasn’t so psyched for this partnership either. “Just wanted to know if you wanted anything for the stakeout, I was going to go stop by a café before we left.”

Ernest considered the offer, clenching his teeth uncertainly.

“Fine.” He finally said. “I take my coffee black. I’ll pay you back for it.” He turned on his heel and went to his desk before Demigliano could try to talk to him anymore.

 

A few hours later, and it was almost time for them to be in position. Alexander wasn’t at the station yet, and Ernest checked his watch for the tenth time in the last three minutes. He’d started clenching his teeth, leaning against the wall outside the station’s door.

Alexander came running up, out of his car, a minute or two later. “I’m here! I’m here, oh gosh I’m so sorry buddy,” Ernest told him not to call him buddy, but he was talked over. “Traffic was a bit on the crazy side.” He said with an expressive tip of his head and widening of his bright blue eyes.

“You’re _late_.” Ernest replied, pulling himself to his full height and walking towards the car.

“It’s only a few minutes.” Alexander hurried after him, coffees and a paper box in hand.

They both strapped in and Ernest noticed the box. “What’s in that.”

Alexander nestled the coffees in their respective cup holders and said absently, “I wanted something sweet while we waited.”

“Mm.” Ernest turned the car on and drove them to the location they’d be waiting around in for the night. He parked, checked his watch, and pulled out a pair of mirror aviators from his jacket.

“Are you really going to wear those?” Alexander asked, more curious than judgmental. But the judgment was there, and it was enough to get on Ernest’s nerves. “It’s dark out, and we’re in a car.”

“ _Shut it_.” Ernest snapped back.

Alexander frowned and gave him an upset look before looking out at the museum. “You don’t have to be _rude_.” He half mumbled.

Ernest ignored it.

A few minutes later, a warm, sweet smell filled the car. Looking over, Ernest saw that Alexander had opened his box and pulled out a pastry. The white box was settled in his lap and was filled, _filled_ , with donuts, croissants, pastries. “Are you planning on making a full meal out of those.” Ernest half murmured unintentionally. The silence of the car let his words ring out loud enough for the officer next to him to hear, however.

“Don’t kid me, that’d be ridiculous. They’re snacks, for _both_ of us, before you think I’m going to be greedy.” He held the box up, offering Ernest to take one. Something in his face gave Ernest the impression that Alexander was hoping this might smooth over the snippiness from earlier.

 _Play nice_ , Ernest reminded himself before taking a powdered donut. Biting into it, he looked back at the dark building through the windshield. A paranoia told him that Alexander was studying him. His eyes flicked over to the other man, but he wasn’t looking back. Paranoia, it was just paranoia. And he was being silly.

“Coghlan?” Ernest piped up, a few minutes later.

“Mm.”

“What’s your first name?”

He squinted a bit. “Ernest. Why?”

“You know mine, just, thought it was proper.” He took a bite out of his croissant. “Mind if I call you by your first name?”

“Eh…” He resisted saying no and getting sharp with his words so Demigliano wouldn’t get the wrong idea and mistake them for friends, when Ernest didn’t consider them to be. But Alexander’s eyes were clear and nonthreatening, and he was supposed to get along with him on this mission.

No one said making nice involved making ‘friends’, but, just in case…

“Fine. Sure.”

Alexander smiled. “Neat, buddy.”

Ernest made a face akin to a confused frown at being called ‘buddy’, but straightened himself out shortly after.

There wasn’t much chatter after that, which he was grateful for. The quiet let him relax and focus on their job. His mind didn’t wander any more than it usually did at that time of night, but he caught himself loosing focas a few times.

Sometime later, Alexander cleared his throat. It was a jarring noise. “If you get tired, say so and I’ll wake you when I need a break for a nap.”

“Mm.” He nodded curtly.

From Alexander’s point of view, the silence was more tense than comfortable. Ernest Coghlan was an intimidating man from any angle, even from inside a car while supposedly working with him. Tall, very tall, a harsh brow, deep set eyes, square jaw, a large gaunt nose, bright red cropped hair, and a harsh, gravely tone. _Maybe he used to smoke?_ Alex pondered briefly.

He looked back out at the museum and wondered if anything would really happen tonight. Maybe not. Probably not. It would be best if it didn’t. Yet, selfishly, part of him hoped something would happen. Anything to get out of the dull, stuffy car with the officer who obviously didn’t like him. He scolded himself for thinking that.

The silence sat with them a long time, making Alex fidget periodically to get comfortable, and absently pull the layers off his pastries to eat them piece by piece.

Suddenly, like a whip crack, their radio sparked to life with chatter, “The thief’s been spotted! She’s headed out through the east wing!”

The two cops jolted to awareness, Alex’s heartbeat thrumming in his ears while an unpleasant taste settled in his mouth. His eyes jumped over to his partner, who was leaning forward desperately seeking any movement. Alex looked out at the wall of the museum and searched, watching so intensely that his sight fuzzed and jumped a bit from the effort.

Ernest gave a start and it jerked Alex’s attention to him. “There’s movement!” He hissed, accent thick. One hand was already on his gun and the other was forcing his door open. Alex followed suit, hurrying around the front of the car to follow his partner. He searched ahead with his eyes, squinting and praying that his fracking eyesight wouldn’t betray him tonight.

Then, he saw it: a figure running, black on black. It darted out and over the fence separating the museum from the nearby park and the trees which bled out from it.

Ernest got a running start at the fence and cleared it, Alex just made it over when he came t oit. Luckily, the trees were spaced out enough to run through at first, and they made quick chase of the theif for the first while.

His partner shouted something at the thief as they ran, but at that point Alex was too focused on not tripping over the various tree roots, uneven moss, and whatever else was on the forest’s floor catch the specifics of what he said.

They came to a spot where the trees thinned and it seemed as though they’d lost sight of the thief. Ernest cursed vehemently on his thick Irish accent while Alex scanned the dark trees. “There!” He shouted, pointing at the figure making quick work of getting up one of the trees ahead of them. Ernest was off like a shot, running fast as he could and kicking off of the trunk of the tree to get higher, grabbing the backpack strapped to the thief and pulling. The backpack hadn’t been closed all the way, apparently, as he fell while still clinging to the lip of the open bag. The zipper ripped open further and whatever it was on top –some sort of jar?- tumbled out of it as Ernest’s weight dragged the thief down with the backpack. Losing his grip on the backpack, he hit the ground with a painful thud and his head was thrown back against a root with a painful crack. In a frantic daze, he scrambled to catch the stolen museum piece before it landed. Alexander sprinted towards him in a panic, while the thief, who had managed to catch a branch once Ernest no longer had a hold on her, swung herself and hit the ground running.

Alex didn’t even notice the thief fleeing, tunnel visioning on his hurt partner lying on the ground. He practically skidded to a stop, stammering out an “Are you alright? Can you hear me?” Ernest ground his teeth and had his eyes tightly shut, wincing. Alex noticed the museum’s relic in his hands and automatically reached to lay a hand on it without thinking.

It stung when his skin landed on it, but he couldn’t pull his hand away. Pain shot up his arm-white hot and tearing through his limbs, up to his heart, spreading like wildfire through his whole body as his vision blurred and he felt like he was tumbling. He heard screaming-was that him? All his senses buzzed like hornets and the world blurred until he lost consciousness.

 

Officer Gabriel Belinsky wasn’t far behind the two officers put outside of the museum’s western wing, having been patrolling in the western wing himself. When he heard screaming, two male voices-the officers! The-damn it _names_ -the nice one and the rude cop! Demigliano and Coghlan! Those two! He pressed himself to run faster, shouting for them-one of the voices disappeared before the other one quieted down. Belinsky chased the haunting silence until-finally-he came to where one of them was curled up at the base of a tree.

Belinsky practically tripped over himself when he got to the other man, dropping on one knee. On closer inspection, he wasn’t actually sure _who_ this was. Didn’t look like either one of them up close. “Hey. _Hey_? You hear me? _Hello_?” Adrenaline was pumping through him and he gripped his radio.

The officer groaned and opened one eye, then the other. One of the museum’s relics rolled out from his arms as he shakily unfurled himself. The officer looked like he was having a seizure; fingers and arms moving sporadically, legs spasming, breath uneven, and eyes rapidly darting to and fro. His mouth worked, but all that came out was a series of confused noises and a cry.

 _Holy fuck_ was Belinsky’s first thought, but his first action was to press the button on his radio and practically yell “Officer down in the woods! He’s having an attack of some kind!” He pulled his phone out and dialed 911-call an ambulance- _do something_! He rattled off what was happening to the phone operator, watching the cop on the ground in a panic. Spotting a pair of glasses, he picked them up. Round- Demigliano’s? Most likely. He folded them up and shoved them in his pocked just in case. There was a crushed pair of aviators a few feet away from the first pair of glasses and Belinsky picked them up too, just in case.

 

Somewhere between the forest and the hospital, the officer worked himself to exhaustion and passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo chapter two! And it didn't even take an ungodly amount of months to finish would you look at that I'm a champ. Lets see if we can keep this much faster pace up.

The first twenty minutes were an utter blur. An endless feedback loop of thoughts and emotions rolling in from all sides pulling them down, down, down where every thought came back with an even worse, more alarmed, confused response that only added to the sea crashing around in their mind. Their vision was horrible, where were their glasses? Their god damn _glasses_! Every movement was a battle between two directions, so much that they were doing no more than shaking. Words weren’t coming out, breathing was difficult enough, out of sync and painful, _who the fuck was shouting_! Stop it _stop_! _Stop_!

They…. Alexander? Ernest?

When their eyes opened next, and focused as best they could, they were in a hospital bed. They?

Eh, no…

Ernest felt like his head was full of sand as he looked around the room, eyes falling on a blurry olive skinned, dark haired man.

Alex squinted.

“Who the hell are you?”

Alex was surprised with himself-he didn’t mean to swear? It came out all odd too, like his tongue had tripped.

_Why I can’t see shit._

He frowned like there was vinegar in his mouth, where did that thought come from?

The man jumped, snorting as he woke up. “Aw, god, thank god you’re awake.” He rubbed his face.

Ernest squinted hard. “Why can’t I see shit.” He asked allowed.

Alexander gasped and clapped his hands on his mouth. Ernest made an alarmed noise and pulled his hands away.

The man in the chair stared at them uncertainly.

“What the bloody fuck is going on!” Ernest yelled, throwing his hands in an angry fashion and clenching his teeth.

The man in the chair shifted in his seat. “Um-“

“I don’t know! I don’t know stop SHOUTING! Where are my GLASSES!” Alexander cried out in a panic.

“Your glass…“ The man in the chair reached to feel the round pair of glasses still in his pocket. There hadn’t been any word back yet about what happened to Demigliano, or the other officer for that matter, and he’d forgotten to pass them off to the other officers when the ambulance arrived.

“Do you have them? They’re black, an-and round, and thick.” Alex asked weakly with a shake of his head. “I didn’t mean to shout, I’m so, so sorry.”

It was eerie how similar this man was to Officer Demigliano while he blindly asked for his glasses. Belinsky took them out of his pocket and handed them to the stranger in the hospital bed, hesitating before letting go. Maybe he was mistaken and these _were_ this man’s glasses?

The stranger in the hospital bed smiled unevenly. There was an air of unease and anxiety about him as he slid on the pair, muttering to himself.

Belinsky just caught it, the stranger’s voice dark and reminding him vaguely of Officer Coghlan. “ _Who the hell are you._ ”

“Me? Officer Gabriel Belinsky. Who are _you_?” He responded, only thinking about how there was definitely a gentler way to say that, after he’d already said it.

The stranger looked up with an expression like he’d forgotten the other was there.

“Officer Erne-Aaalex-“ His mouth turned to mush and the syllables tumbled out unintelligibly. He gripped his head and mumbled a bewildered ‘one at a time’ to himself. Slowly, he tried again. “Officer Ernest Coghlan.” The name was said in that low, accented voice. His face was set and tense, akin to a brick wall. After another breath, he melted into something much smaller and shaky. His voice was high and full of anxiety. “Officer Alexander Demigliano.” He looked up at Belinsky, who he now recognized with his glasses on, without straightening up.

Belinsky stared at them in disbelief for a full minute before they grew too impatient and sat up, eyes steely and hurt. “Say something!”

“What…. In the hell.” He muttered in return. Shaking himself, he continued louder. “Are you, are you serious?” His eyes flicked down to his phone and the texts he received not too long ago.

His phone screen seemed to burn with brightness as he skimmed the messages.

Me> Anything?

Nina> No we can’t find either of them

Me> Fffffff

Nina> You said that officer your w/was holding a relic right

Me> Yeah why

Belinsky glanced back up the officer –Alexander? Ernest?- in the bed.

The officer was grinding his teeth and shook. “Yes I’m serious!”

“Yeah-yeah, one sec, shh-“ Belinsky shot back, quickly looking down at his phone again, brows furrowed.

Nina> Museum IDed it as the entwiner

Nina> Whats the officers name??

Belinsky quickly texted her back.

Me> He says he’s officer Coglan /and/ Demigleno????

Me> ….The relic did something didn’t itshit

“Who are you texting?” The officer asked in his higher voice.

“Eh-um-one of the other officers, Nina? Do you know Nina?”

“Nina?”

“Yea-“ His text tone went off.

Nina> Merges things into one thing

He stared at the message until he started to feel lightheaded. Which didn’t take very long.

“B-Belinsky?”

“I’m fine, yeah huh,” he hesitated, “Aaaaalex?”

The officer brightened up with relief. “Yes!” Then the happiness disappeared and stiffened into an angry wince, teeth clenched and eyes screwed shut. He sucked in air with a hiss.

Belinsky whispered to himself, “Annndd then this would be Ernest.” With a deep breath, he flicked all of his fingers out jazz-hands style in an attempt to brighten up his barely masked horror. “So, officers, we’ve got a lot of bad news, aaand some good news, so… how about the good news first?” He gave a toothy attempt at a grin.

Ernest was busy pulling his hands down his face. “Just _get_ to it!”

Heaving a heavy sigh, Belinsky struggled to keep up his grin. “Well the doctor took a look at you, and there’s absolutely nothing physically wro-“

“ _Alexander is in my brain and controlling my body how is not physically wrong!_ ” Ernest screamed.

Alex shrank back and pulled his arms up. “From my perspective _that’s you who’s doing that!_ ”

Belinsky waited until they seemed done shouting. “Doctors say you’re a-okay. But you were in a daze when they looked you over. They wanna take a second look now that you’re actually lucid and ask some more questions-are you listening?”

“Yes, I’m listening-yes.” One of them answered, agitated. Belinsky wasn’t sure quite which one that was.

“Okay so then I’m calling the doctor, just answer the questions and we can get you out of here pronto.” He hurried. “Now bad news!”

The officers groaned and held their head in anticipation.

“You’ve been merged into one body by a relic!” He paused. “At least you’re still separate people on the inside?” He added in a mumble.

They gawked at him in horrified shock.

After a few beats, Belinsky sat up and reached for a device connected to the hospital bed and called a  nurse to the room.

Alexander felt Ernest freeze when the nurse was called, emotionally and physically. _Talking_ to people-about what`s happened to them! Ernest’s panic washed over Alex and he felt disassociated, so closely feeling the intense emotions of someone who wasn’t himself. Even as Ernest`s emotions faded and his thoughts seemed to leave Alexander behind, Alex sat there with a distantly distressed and empty look on his face.

A doctor came in a few minutes later, full of questions that Alex answered absently. They left after having Alex sign something, and having a brief chat with Belinsky.

"You, um, you ready to leave?"

Alex looked up, blinking. "Hm?"

Belinsky gave him a sympathetic look and took his hand. "I'll take that as a yes, up we go." He pulled Alex off the bed so he was standing, before continuing. "Doctor says your fine-/physically/. Nothing broken, though you _may_ have a concussion." He added quickly, "you're probably just dazed, gave me some pills for you two and said to make sure you guys rest."

"Oh. Okay. Well that's... Good."

There was a long moment where no one said anything. "Ernest, Ernest okay? Didn't sound like him at all during those questions."

Alex blinked again. Ernest! Alarm reached through him and plucked at something in his chest, it pulled another emotion forward that he recognized as not his own. Ernest's thoughts quietly returned to his mind and a cool rush of relief filled him.

"He's here, he's okay. He just got... quiet." Alex's brows furrowed and he frowned.

A beat.

"Well let's get you home for tonight and deal with more of this shit tomorrow." Belinsky gestured for the officers to follow him and Alex trailed behind. They made their way to Belinsky's car quietly. Ernest seemed to progressively wake up in the back of Alex's mind, but didn't return to the prominent front of it where he had been previously. It was a lot more comfortable, and Alex found it was much easier to control his movements without someone else trying to move his body for him.

He cleared his throat. "Why didn't you recognize either us?"

_What happened? Where am I?_ Ernest asked internally. Weariness drifted around him.

"You'd.... get it if you saw yourself." Belinsky responded, opening his car door and getting inside.

Alex opened the passenger door and slipped in, buckling the seatbelt and fumbling with the sun visor to look in the tiny mirror. His eyes were the same recognizable shape and color, but now they were deep set and his brow was harsh. Alex swallowed hard.

_Hey_

_Oh! Sorry Ernest. We're in Officer Belinsky's car now. The doctor said we might have a concussion, but otherwise we're fine._

"Ssso."

Alex jumped and looked at Belinsky. "Yes?"

"Where to?" Belinsky put on a smile for Alex's sake.

Ernest's presence surged forward to full awareness.

"To-“ Alex stopped himself. In what came out as almost a whisper, he said, “ _But whose house should we go to_.”

“Uuhh… whooo’s house do you want to go to?” Belinsky said, slowly.

_My apartment. It’s not too far from the hospital._ Ernest said insistently.

“You don’t know how far away my place is.” Alexander shot back, under his breath. He really didn’t want to sleep in someone else’s bed tonight.

_I’m telling you, mine’ll be faster._ Ernest tensed in their mind and it made Alex’s fingers curl tightly. _I am way too tired for this argument let’s just go!_

“I need to feed my dog!” Alexander whispered.

“So, your place?” Belinsky already had the map app open on his phone, ready to get the address.

“No!” Ernest took control. “No we’ll-“ he sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes, grinding his teeth. Alexander protested from inside their head and struggled with him for control. But Ernest was determined to keep it for a while. “We’re going to Alexander’s house to feed his dog and get his stuff,” He said deliberately. “Then we’re going to my apartment. End of discussion.”

Alexander could tell that Ernest was more anxious than the confident and firm tone he spoke with, but he wasn’t sure what to do with that knowledge.

_What’s your address?_

_Oh, uh,_ Alex rattled it off and Ernest gave it to Belinsky.


	3. Chapter 3

Ernest practically gasped for air when he came out of the back of his now-shared mind. It was suffocating, being in there unexpectedly. He wasn't even sure how he'd ended up there in the first place. One moment, he was wishing against all odds that this was all a bad dream that he would wake up from, and be back in that cop car; Alexander sitting next to him and waking him up for his shift on watch. The next moment, something inside gave and warm, comforting darkness enshrouded him - it was like falling asleep. He hardly remembered how he did it, and he wasn't sure if there was any way of replicating it, but next thing he knew Alexander was fishing him out of that warm comfort and god knows how long had passed. It had felt like seconds.

He had watched through Alexander's eyes and heard what he heard, moved the way he moved, felt what he felt; but it was as if he was merely a passenger in Alexander's body. Ernest couldn't move, couldn't speak aloud, couldn't make his presence known to the world. He tried. He tried to talk to Belinsky, tried to rummage around in his pocket for his missing aviators. Being without them in the hospital made him feel exposed and further on edge. Which was odd, considering how cut off he was feeling at the same time.

Getting control back was like breaking the surface after swan diving under water. He looked through his pockets, frowning, and directed his attention towards the driver. "Where's my aviators."

Belinsky's gaze flicked over to him, surprised. And... oddly relieved? "Oh hey, Coghlan. Great. Um, yeah pocket."

Ernest waited for him to take them out. He didn't. "...Could I _have_ them?"

"Thought you were gonna get'm? I'm driving. Hands on the wheel." When Ernest didn't move to take them from one of the other's pockets, Belinsky rolled his eyes and quickly took the smashed pair of glasses out of his pocked, handed them over, and returned his hand to the wheel so fast he practically threw them.

Turning them over, Ernest's heart clenched and his teeth pressed together tightly. They were ruined. "I fucking fell on them, didn't I."

_Could you please stop swearing so much?_

"Shut it." He hissed back. A moment later he mentally apologized. Alexander shrunk back a bit, pushing bitterness away where Ernest could only catch the faintest hint of it before Alexander forgave him. He wondered how Alexander knew how to do that. Maybe he was just doing it naturally and didn't even know.

Maybe he should make a bit of an effort not to swear so much.... later. For now, for now things are way too stressful for that.

Ernest cleared his throat and said in his deeper voice. "How long are we going t’be stuck like this. Do we know anything about the relic besides its name?"

Belinsky sucked on his lip. "Check my phone. It's in the cupholder. If there's no new texts, then no. We know nothing. We, as in me and you two. The team could be in the middle of something and not yet’ve told us what's going on."

"Can't you _call them_ or something?" The phone didn't have any new messages on it.

" _Driving_?"

Ernest breathed heavily out his nose and got quiet for a few minutes.

"You could call them?" Belinsky offered.

"Hm?"

"You have your phone?"

He fumbled with his pockets. "Yes."

"Why don't you call them about it?"

Phone in his hand, Ernest started down at it. It was heavy in his palm. He stashed it away again and looked out the window to contemplate the scenery.

_Ernest?_

He didn't respond.

_What's wrong?_

_Nothing's wrong._

_That's a lie._

He stared out at the blur of headlights that they passed by. _We can call tomorrow._

Alexander didn't respond for a little bit.

"You two talking in your head?"

"What, now?"

"You got quiet and didn't answer my question, just wondered."

"I'll call them later."

_Are we going to be able to sleep without calling them?_ Alexander asked, legitimately wondering.

_We'll take something to put us out._

He could feel Alexander's uneasiness at the idea of taking pills.

"This the place?"

Lost in thought, Alexander was able to seize control from Ernest in one natural, fluid motion. "Yes!" He said in his light tone. Unbuckling their seatbelt, he hopped out of the car quickly. "Thanks, Belinsky. I'll be right back out in a few, I swear."

"Please, just Gabriel. Take your time. All the time you need." He reassured.

Alex smiled warmly and headed up to his place. Ernest sunk into their mind more deliberately this time, compared to the last where he suddenly woke up in the thick of it. It made it feel more secure and less ghost-like.

Yawning, Alex fumbled to open his door and a puppy crashed into them. It yipped and yapped at them and despite how tired he was, Alex greeted it just as enthusiastically.

"Babyyyy." He cooed, kneeling down and letting the dog lick and yap in his face. He was beaming at the attention. Ernest mentally pulled away, having never been particularly confident around jumping dogs. Alex could sense his discomfort and stood up. "Come on girl." He walked further into the apartment and pulled the dog bowls up from off the floor and started to fill them with water and a cup of puppy chow.

_Stella's a good girl, relax._

_How helpful._ Ernest grumbled to himself. He felt Alexander frown. Quickly, he added, _I'm not around dogs much._ As if that would make Alexander feel better about Ernest's unease.

It didn't seem to be helping much. Alex put the now-filled bowls on the floor and watched his puppy practically trip over her stumpy legs to shove her face in them.

_...What kind of dog is she?_

"Some kind of corgi mix. Her mom was a purebred, but got pregnant with one of the neighborhood dogs. Her owner wasn't happy, buuuut I got a corgi puppy out of it without having to break the bank so I guess it works out." He smiled down at her fondly. _We're sorta similar._

Ernest made a noise of consideration and Alex seemed embarrassed, having forgotten that the other would be able to hear his thoughts.

Alex quickly moved on to the next order of business: getting an overnight pack. He went to his room, opened the closet, and pulled a drawstring backpack out from the top shelf.

_Is that.... a dress?_

"Shush."

_Why do you have dresses in your closet? What, do you have a girlfriend?_ Ernest’s tone suggested that he was more wary about it than casual.

Alexander tried his best not to answer and just pull a few things he knew he would want out of the closet and crammed them into the bag.

He took out a pair of pale yellow soft soled shoes and slipped them on; opting to carry the pair of boots they were previously wearing.

What _did you just put on our feet?_

"They're ballet flats and they're amazing, so we're wearing them."

They were comfy. Weirdly comfy. Ernest bit their tongue in order not to say anything about the pair being 'girl shoes', since they were clearly helping Alexander feel more at ease. And they weren't _that_ bad. Just... different.

Busy contemplating what horrible things would happen if Alexander did have a girlfriend, he didn't notice all of what was put into the bag. He did notice, though, when the puppy came trotting in and Alexander lit up.

"Baby!" Alex shouted, and the puppy sprinted towards them excitedly. He sighed, kneeling down and scratching behind her ears. She playfully tried to gnaw on his fingers. "I wish I could bring you along, little girl."

Ernest was tempted to say no, they weren't bringing the ball of destructive energy that was a puppy into his apartment. But something in the pleading way Alexander's emotions pulled at his egged him on.

With a reluctant sigh, he gave in. _She can come._

Alexander made an elated noise and held Stella up by the arms to make her 'dance' with him. "Did you hear that, girl? You get to come with meee!"

Ernest resisted rolling his eyes. Stella gave them a confused lull of the head and attempted to lick their face.

Alex continued shoving things into his overnight bag, adding things for the dog. Eventually he gave up on adding them to the bag, took them out, and shoved it all into the dog bed.

He dropped the bag and dog bed on his own bed and went to the bathroom, stopping with his hand on the doorknob but not opening it.

_I have a toothbrush and stuff, you don't need whatever you were gonna get._

"I know, I remembered...."

He opened the door anyways.

Ernest grumbled, getting tired of waiting for Alexander to be done, and pushed for control.

Alex wove his hand about and held onto full control. He took a few strides till he was in front of the mirror, dread welling up in his chest as he felt Ernest question what was wrong. He wasn't sure what he expected to feel upon seeing his altered reflection, but what Alex did feel was a sudden cold rush from his head to his toes that stopped his thoughts.

The two of them seemed to sync up, as Ernest's emotions ran parallel with Alexander's and they hardly noticed the other's reaction wasn't their own.

What stared back at them was a mashup of the two's appearances. It both looked like each of them individually, and neither of them. It was more like staring out at a cousin, or sibling of some sort, than themselves. Alex's round blue eyes in Ernest's deep sockets with his harsh brow, Ernest's large beaklike nose over Alex's thin lips. All of it framed by Alex's triangular jaw. Their hair was an interesting mix of Ernest's previous bright red, now a much deeper shade, with Alex's unruly curls.

Ernest slipped into partial control and ran a hand over their face and through their hair, pulling on it with bewilderment. Alex moved their other hand to pull at their eyelid and leaned it to inspect it. This simultaneous control wasn't like when they first woke up, confused and in disarray. This was two minds working like gears in a clock, moving smoothly together naturally. Then, they lost it. One pulled the other's arm unexpectedly and the other twitched and blinked too fast-they fell out of sync. There was a momentary scramble for who had control of the body before it fell to Ernest.

He paused, taking in their new reflection for half a minute longer, before rubbing his face, taking a deep breath, and going to the other room to get Alexander's bag.

_That was pretty weird..._ Alexander mumbled.

"S'only weird if you make it weird." Ernest drowsily replied under his breath.

Stella jumped up on Ernest's legs before Alexander could properly respond and he shouted through Ernest's mouth, "Baby!"

Stella yipped and jumped excitedly, aware they were going to take a trip someplace.  Ernest pulled his arms up, frown pulling his lips down at the excited puppy and at Alex shouting unexpectedly.

_Pick her up, you're confusing her._ Alexander chastised.

_Just do it, look at her face. You're being mean to her._

Ernest kneeled down, reluctantly, and scooped the puppy into his arms. Stella squirmed and licked his chin, tail wagging so much that she shook in his arms. Eeehhhhh dogs.

Alexander huffed from inside their mind. _Just let me take over if you're going to be like that to my dog._

Ernest let Alex take over for him. _Wait, shi-darn. Darn. How long has it been since we left Belinsky in the car?_

_Oh frack._ Alex threw his backpack over his shoulder and picked the dog bed up, somehow juggling all of that plus the puppy in his arms despite himself. He ran down to the car and threw the back seat's door open, dropping his things in the back. "I am so so so sorry for the wait, Gabriel!"

Gabriel jerked awake and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "No! No! S'fine, s'fine. I said," he yawned "I said take your time. Is that a dog?"

"Um, yes." Alex clicked his seatbelt and clung to Stella, who was sniffing around the new place she'd suddenly found herself in. He felt Ernest start to doze in the back of their mind, his feelings and thoughts growing smaller and more distant. "You don't mind, do you?" He said after a moment.

"Naw, corse not, whatever. As long as you keep a hold on her." Gabriel stretched and kicked the car back on. "Where's Coghlan live?"

"Uumm... on second, let me ask..." He replied uncertainly. _Ernest?....ERNEST._ The shouting sent a shock of emotion at Ernest, and he was jolted back to awareness.  _Where do you live?_

Ernest sleepily gave him his address before dropping back off into a far part of their mind.

Gabriel drove them over after Alex reiterated it, and dropped them off.

"Hey," He said as Alex stepped out of his car. He quickly pulled a pen out and an old receipt and jotted his number down on the back of it. He pushed it towards the other man. "Call me, text me, whatever, if you need anything or something extra weird happens."

Alex smiled back and accepted it, closing the door and getting his stuff from the back. "Goodnight!" He called, closing the door and making the trek up to Ernest's apartment. He really wished the other hadn't dropped off like he had; this would be way easier and way, way less unnerving if Ernest could just take control for a few minutes and get them there. Pulling at Ernest mentally, hoping the other would stir, Alex made it to the right apartment number.  Ernest came to long enough to confirm that this was in fact the correct apartment, fumble to keys out of his pocket, and unlock the door. He dropped back under.

_The door at the end of the hall._

Closing the door, Alex set Stella on the floor and shuffled to the back room. Stella followed close behind as her daddy fell on the bed and pulled his shoes, jacket, pants, and shirt off without sitting up. She jumped up onto the bed with him and nudged his hand for pets while he aimlessly pawed around in his bag until he got the right clothes out, pulled them on, and passed out on top of the bedspread.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wop wop unbeta-ed cause I'm lazy and impatient

Breeep

Breeep

Bree-Ernest smacked his alarm's snooze button, not raising his head. He'd get up when the snooze alarm went off.

Rolling over into his back, he thought over what remnants of his dream that he still recalled. Scattered memories of being trapped in a tight, small room with someone else. At first it was Officer Demigliano in there with him, but somewhere in the dream, he'd been replaced by someone Ernest didn't recognize.

The room had been suffocatingly small, and the only way to stand comfortably was to stand partially _in_ Alexander. It was unnerving, the way their limbs passed through each other freely.

They'd been... They'd been thrown in there after an accident with a tree. Then the hospital, then the tiny room.

Breeep cried Ernest's alarm again. He took a deep breath and sat up, turning the alarm off properly this time. Stretching and rubbing his blurry half lidded eyes, he felt like he'd only slept for an hour. When the drowsy blur didn't rub out, he grew frustrated. Getting up, he picked at his teeth, ambling over to the bathroom. It took a minute or two for him to fully register that what stared back at him was most certainly _not his_ reflection.

Ernest gave a start and a yelp, kicking the wooden doors under the sink accidentally and cursing loudly. A shrill YIP YIP YIP started up in the other room and he could feel something stir in the back of his mind uncomfortably. The events of last night came rushing back in stereo with a wave of nausea. He took a good look at what he was wearing, trying to focus on something else.

"What in hell..." He muttered, taking the hem of the loose cloud print shirt in between his fingers. It was incredibly soft and light. He had absolutely no memory of putting this shirt on, or the matching shorts.

He didn't have any memory of getting into bed, either.

A voice rose up in his thoughts, hazy and light. _Why are you awaaake._

Grinding the heal of his palm into his forehead and clenching his teeth, Ernest thought back _, It's morning, why wouldn't I be up._

_Because it's too early._

_My alarm went off. I always get up at this time._

Alexander was getting agitated. _And what time is that?_

_Five a.m._

"What!" Alex's voice was shrill and full of agony, but his weariness dragged him back under when Ernest pushed for full control again. _We we we got back here at like-at like 3! Get back in bed!_

_That explains why I'm still tired._ Ernest rinsed his face with cold water, yelled at the dog -who was still making some noise- to stop barking, and went to find Alexander's glasses.

Alexander griped and grumbled and pestered him as his voice grew soft and his presence drifted away. To mental sleep, hopefully. Thank god.

Ernest pulled a worn yoga mat, purchased second hand, from his closet and rolled it out on the floor. Taking his shirt off and changing his pants, he stared his morning routine, opting to ignore the burn behind his eyes from lack of sleep.

Stretch, strength training, cool down, shower. Eat. That was the usual routine, every morning. No meditation. He did yoga because it was cost effective and worked best for his small apartment. And it kept him from having to trek to a gym which wouldn't work with his tight schedule. Not because he was looking for some sort of 'inner peace'.

He fell asleep during a few of the poses, catching himself dozing off so many times that he opted out of finishing it. Instead, he got up and brewed some coffee. Taking a few headache pills while he waited, he sat at the table and took Alexander's glasses off to ponder them. He turned them over in his hands and felt his gut clench. It was empty, which only added to the painful twisting sensation. They were just _glasses_. Stop it. Man up. They're just _glasses_ why do they bother you so much.

The answer was on the tip of his tongue, daring him to admit it. It loomed over his shoulder like a ghost, waiting to scream in his ear the moment Ernest acknowledged it.

So he didn't.

He swallowed all of the horrible, uncomfortable emotions and thoughts begging to be let out, and slid the glasses back on his face. Not that it, was really _his_ face, though.

He yawned again.

The coffee machine beeped and he got up. Pouring himself a cup and taking in the strong scent of black coffee, a new thought hit him.

If they don't have a cure for this today, the early mornings might be the only alone time he'll ever have now. Not a second will be spent alone, in quiet, without a pair of eyes on every thought he had, until they found a cure. And it was entirely likely they wouldn't have a cure when he went down to the station today.

With a long sip of his coffee, he tried to ignore the shiver of panic that traveled down his spine. Alexander stirred in the back of his mind at the strong emotion, but thankfully did not wake up. With another sip of his coffee, Ernest tried to distance himself mentally from the entire everything that was happening to him, and focus only on the coffee and what he would do for work that day. How nice the morning was. He pulled his phone out, flicked to the latest book he was reading. Throw himself into that world for a while. Forget this on- _oh god_ the dog came in.

It had gotten bored of doing whatever it had been doing in the other room -just sleeping, hopefully- and trotted into the kitchenette tucked into a walled off corner separate from the tiny living room. Ernest stared at it as it bumped into him, paws coming up to rest on his sweatpants leg. Its black eyes stared into his expectantly, like it /wanted/ something. It knew something he didn't, and it wasn't going to explain. He didn't break eye contact, face only betraying him due to lack of sleep, showing the dog that it made him uneasy.

...Wait how the hell did this thing know Alexander was its master anyways? Oh wait shit, fu-darn. Darn. Darn it, it was probably just hungry or something-where the heck did Alexander put the darn dog food?

Ernest took his cup of coffee with him, taking drinks and pocketing his phone, searching for Alexander's backpack. Finding it, he pulled it open with one hand and set his coffee down with the other. The tiny dog followed him closely and jumped up onto the bed. It yipped for attention, but only got a confused, uneasy glance from Ernest. It yipped once more, this time bouncing in place in what was either an attempt at playing or a threat. More likely an attempt at playing. But Ernest didn't feel like trying his luck and continued pulling things out of the bag.

There was _no_ dog stuff in the bag. At all. It was mostly clothes. And at a second glance, most of this was.... women's? Clothing? It was really feminine, even if it wasn't. There were fancy knit sweaters and wide necked shirts and something in pink and a.... dress?

A dress?

Why would there.... what the hell did Alexander _pack_ this shit for? Why the hell does he _have_ thi-WAIT

Ernest suddenly remembered the dog bed, and looked around for it. That was where all of the dog stuff'd been thrown last night.

He found it on the corner of his bed, most of the dog stuff knocked out of it. Getting the  ziplock bag of dog food, he shoved himself up again and strutted out to the kitchen.

_Alexander. ALEXANDER._

_Wh-wha-what! What! I'm awake! What I'm awake what._ Came weakly from inside his mind.

"What the hell is up with the dress in your backpack." Ernest poured the kibble into a spare bowl and filled another one with water. The puppy yipped and jumped excitedly at his feet for the food and water. "Shush, dog." He whispered back to it.

Alex froze up in their mind and struggled with his drowsy mind for words. _Why did you go through my stuff?_

"Needed dog food." The caffeine from the coffee had started taking effect, and Ernest felt a bit more aware.

_That_ wasn't _in my bag._

_I noticed, found it on the bed. Didn't know it wasn't in the bag at first though._

_Don't look through my stuff without permission anymore._ Alex fumed and came to the forefront of their mind. There, he could tell that Ernest was regretting doing it now. Alex could tell he was feeling guilty, even if he didn't say anything.

"...yeah. Corse."

Alex directed their attention down to the puppy absently. _Baaabyyy_. He cooed internally, causing them to smile down at her.

Shifting his feet, Ernest looked to the side and started relinquishing control as he felt Alexander naturally pull for it. Alex filled the spot that Ernest left without question and kneeled down to Stella. Brightly, he ruffled her ears and baby-talked to her for a bit. She licked his face and wagged her tail hard, forgetting about her meal for a moment.

After he stood up to let his little girl finish eating, he leaned against the countertop. "...Those are my clothes. I like them, and... we're sharing a body so I figured we should both get to choose what we wear in our off-time." He seemed less confident about this now that he was trying to defend his case to Ernest, compared to last night when he was throwing some of his favorite things into the bag dead set of having his way. "I don't know why I brought the dress. I guess I just... threw it in there. I wont make us wear it..." He looked down at his bare feet and shuffled them, kicking at nothing.

Ernest didn't mean to ask him why he liked that stuff, but somehow Alex heard the question anyways.

He was not in the mood to be prodded and pestered about things that he partially just pretended to be completely confident and comfortable with. "I just like cute and comfy stuff _get off my back!_ God!"

Flinching just a bit, Ernest dropped it with a muttered. _Right._

They stood in the kitchen awkwardly for a few minutes, neither really saying anything or making any movements.

Alex yawned. "God, I'm tired. We have a few hours before we need to be at the station. _Come on._ Just a nap."

_Shower first._

"Showers are good to wake up with though."

_If we do take a nap, we probably won't have enough time to eat /and/ shower after it. So it'd be better to just take a shower now._ There was a reluctance to deviate too much further from his normal schedule, even if Ernest didn't voice it. A shower would at least hopefully calm his nerves enough to take a nap.

Alex sighed. "Everything's just got to be your way today, huh."

There was a hidden reluctance in Ernest's reply. _We'll do what you want later._

"M'gonna hold you to that." Alex replied absently as he made his way around the apartment to find the bathroom. Ernest told him which door and he stepped in. Alex chewed his lip, resisting Ernest's influence to clench their teeth.

When he’d been… asleep? in the back of their mind, Ernest’d apparently changed into a white tank top and sweats. As he pulled the shirt up over his head, Ernest pulled away from the front of their mind and faded into the back of it. There was a general unease that had drifted off of him about bathing the moment they’d stepped into the bathroom, but Alex decided was probably better to leave him alone. It was probably just because there was someone else in the shower with him, sort of, and everything Alex had seen about Ernest so far implied that he was an extremely private man. Odd, though, considering he was the one who’d insisted they shower before napping.

Alex griped to himself at first as the water poured over him, but soon started humming a calm tune. It distracted him and made his head ache a little less, and soon enough he was out and drying off. He got dressed again before calling out to Ernest. _If you’re not already asleep, m’gonna go lay down till the alarm on my phone goes off._

He didn’t get a reply. “Stella! Stella baby!” The puppy almost tripped over herself as she ran to her favorite person. She followed him as he sat back down on the bed and stayed in there long enough to know that her favorite person was not going to get back up. Dang it. Not tired at all, she jumped down off the bed to find some new adventure, while her favorite person slept.

 

The doorbell rang multiple times and the door was banged on, but the sleeping cops didn’t notice. They did notice, however, when one of their phones rang for the second time. They woke up at the same time, fumbling with each other over who would pick the phone up with what arm, finally taking it in both hands, pressed it to their right ear and somehow managed a bleary “Hello?”

“Hey come open your freakin door, foods getting cold.”

“Who is this?” Alexander asked, more rested than Ernest.

“It’s Gabriel, come on get up you two I brought food.”

“I was gon’make food.” Ernest mumbled.

“Then _you_ can make food and I’ll eat your food. Open up, I got fancy coffee.”

They moaned and sat up. Ernest fell back and let Alexander take over. He shuffled along, yawning into his hand before rubbing his eyes and finger-combing his hair. He fumbled the lock open and smiled at Belinsky. “Hey Buddy.” He stepped aside for Gabriel to come in and felt himself wake up more.

Gabriel walked in, stutter-stepped over the puppy who’d just come running at him full speed, and set the coffees and food on the small table in front of the couch. He turned to look at the cops. “Oh good, was worried I’d get here and you’d be all suited up and already heading out the door.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, _you’re_ not going in to work today.”

Ernest gawked. " _What?"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOP BEEN A WHILE HUH? Well hey at least its here. The next chapter probably wont be out for another two weeks or so; I'm going out of town for a few days next week.

"I mean you're being put on sick leave."

"I'm not sick." Ernest shot back.

"You're effectively sick."

"The doctors themselves confirmed that I- that _we_ are not sick."

"That wasn't taking into account that you two're now one singular person." Gabriel said sharply from his seat on the couch.

Ernest quietly made a low gravely noise and leaned on the wall. Alexander ducked their head and mumbled, "Did you just growl at him?"

Embarrassed, Ernest clamped their mouth down until Alexander wrestled more control away from him. Turning to face the other, Alexander spoke up with a pout. "We're not 'one person,' we're.... two people who've been shunted into the same body. The only 'one person' thing about us is the way we look.”

"Thank you, Mr. Pedantic. I know. I was being..." Gabe gestured vaguely. "Now come just get your coffee." He took a sip of his own, playing like all of this was completely casual. "So how you two been this morning?"

The cops sat down and took the coffee with both hands. The right one dropped off, falling to the side, and they slouched a bit.

"Tired."

While they-or maybe just one of them? Gabe had no idea which one though-sipped their coffee, Gabriel was able to give them a good look over.

Their hair was an utter mess and their eyes were dark with sleep. The cops continually twitched and even the simple movement of sipping their coffee stuttered. Gabriel wished he knew at least one of them better, if he had then maybe he'd be able to tell if they now looked more like one or the other. As it stood, he was their acquaintance and could only hope to figure them out enough to be helpful.

The two stopped drinking their coffee and their hands started trembling, especially the right... Were they crosseyed?

"So," Gabe started, opting to break the silence and hopefully distract them. They blinked and smiled at him. Mostly Alex, probably. The trembling came down to a minimum. "How does this whole thing work anyway?" Gabe took a drink. "I mean like are both of you dictating what moves when always or do you have to trade off?"

"We," they started in a light voice, looking off to the side and tipping their head slightly. That was Alexander. "We _can_ both move at the same time... Doesn't work very well." He cleared his throat as his leg started to bounce nervously. "I think that's what happened when we first merged." Alex's expression was sour.

Gabe blinked. " _That's_ what that was? It looked like you were having a _seizure_." He tried to keep from raising his voice.

"Heh. Really?" Alex looked nervous. "We were fine, buddy. Really." With a long drink, his face evened out to a pleasant smile; the rest of him continued to twitch. "What seems to work best is only one of us 'taking control' at a time."

"So Ernest is just having to sit there still and keep quiet?" Through his drink he mumbled, "wow that's a shit deal."

Alex's smile faltered. "It's not that simple but uh-let's talk about something else." He could feel Ernest growing restless and agitated. It churned Alexander's stomach and before he knew what was happening, he and Ernest had switched places.

Ernest took their glasses off, disliking the foreign feel of them. Belinsky quirked an eyebrow uncertainly.

"If it's not too rude, why are y'here?" Ernest's hands shook. Everything was feeling really close.

Caught off guard, it took Belinsky a moment to answer. "Well someone had to tell you that you weren't coming in to work today."

"You could've called."

"Chief _did_ , nobody answered."

Ernest searched for his phone in his pockets but didn't find it. A tight knot was forming in his chest.

" _Plus_ ," Belinsky continued, growing agitated. "There's other stuff you need to do today and-"

"I still say there's absolutely no reason we can't go to work."

Belinsky let a hard hiss out through his teeth. “You _can’t_ go to work and you _won’t_ because a, I’m not taking you, b, how the hell are you gonna do two people's jobs as one person when you can't even _sit still_ as one person! And c, they haven't had any time to figure out just _what_ they'd have you doing cause again, suddenly two officers with equally important jobs, now technically one officer. So I really don't wanna hear any more about this, cause we have got way more important things to do today, and you two have got to learn how to work together cause you are gonna drop that damn coffee in your lap from how much your hands are shaking!" There was a brief few seconds of tense silence. "Plus... You two, technically, don't have a valid driver’s license anymore." He shrugged and took a drink, looking off to the side awkwardly.

He noticed the two were crosseyed again. Okay. He waited a few moments, sipping at his coffee.

"Eh," he mumbled when the silence stretched on, "guys?"

They shook themselves and looked at him in a daze. They started to say something when the puppy came ambling out from the other room, into the living area. The three of them stopped and looked at her as she waddled up to the couch, then whimpered to be picked up and set next to her favorite person. Her ears were back and her head was low like she'd done something she knew was bad.

"...Hey when'd you last let that dog ou-"

" _Shoot_!" Alexander jumped up and avoided the puppy underfoot, turning around to pick her up, before hurrying to the other part of the apartment. Gabe half got out of his seat before stopping, uncertain if he should follow or not. He could hear his coworkers scolding the pup and shouting. The puppy soon came running out to hide from its angry owners behind one of the chairs. Alex and Ernest didn't come back out for a bit, throwing a "sorry we really gotta clean this up, so sorry!" down the hall to Gabriel. He shouted back that it was fine, and got to eating his breakfast while he waited.

The toilet flushed a few minutes later and the two cops came back out, fuming and no longer wearing Alex's glasses. They fell back into the chair and balled their fists. Gabriel took a long drink, stalling for something to say. "Soo," he started up, "about what I said earlier about you having some stuff you need to do today,"

They gave him a steely look. The lack of glasses were probably, Gabe guessed, short hand for 'this is definitely Ernest that you are talking to'.

With a briefly disgruntled expression, Gabriel sighed through his nose and continued. "As I was saying! We gotta get you back to the museum so the curator can look you over and tell us more about the thing." He looked at his phone's clock. "They're expecting us at about twelve, and its nine right now. So let’s figure out what we're gonna do, huh?" He pulled together an encouraging smile.

Ernest dragged his hand across his face and pulled a deep sigh through his teeth. "Good." He finally said. "Let me get dressed properly first, then we eat, then we....Alex," he said, hand lingering over his eyes. "You said you needed stuff from your house?" In a lighter voice, he responded to himself. "Yes." Then again, in Ernest's deeper growl, "Then we go there after. Then to the museum if there isn't time to drop it off back here." Ernest pinned Gabriel with a stare. "Do I need to call a cab or are you giving us a ride?"

"Well, obviously I'm giving you a lift. Why else would I be here."

"To-" he was cut off by some invisible force. They quickly scrambled to put on Alex's glasses, and once they were on, they grinned apologetically.

“...Um, so anyways, you two go do whatever, I guess? And I'll just, wait here." Gabriel rambled, picking up his breakfast burrito and taking his phone out.

"We won’t be long, I promise." Alex assured as they got up. Ernest took over when they stood, and quickly took them to his room.

Once they shut the door tightly, Alexander pressed for control back. When Ernest didn't give, he complained, "We agreed that I would choose what we wore, don't be a jerk."

"Just wait-" he took a moment to pull a pair of jeans out of the dresser.

_We_ agreed _that-_

"I just want to get the pants on, get off my back." Ernest mumbled, closing his eyes to pull the sweats he was currently wearing off and slipping the jeans on. Zipping them up, he reopened his eyes and looked over at Alexander's backpack. "Okay _now_ you can change."

Ernest relaxed for Alex to take over, and he did just as their body started swaying. He rolled his eyes and started digging through his pack. After sifting through a few things, he pulled out a thin, pale peach sweater with a wide neck.

_What's that?_

"It's a cardigan."

_I thought cardigans were... had like... were more like zip-ups without zippers or hoods._

Alexander paused for a moment. He pulled their shirt off and yanked his not-cardigan on. "Are you _sure_ cardigan's are always like that? I mean _some_ of them have buttons."

_This is like... a... jumper._

"A _what_?"

_A jumper. Don't you-a_ sweatshirt _. A pullover-this doesn't matter!_

"Then why are you getting _mad_ about it?"

_I'm not mad._

"I can feel you actively getting mad."

_I'm frustrated._

_You're mad._

_Well I'm getting mad_ now _._

_See you're mad about something stupid._

_I wasn't mad-I'm not mad!_

"Arguing with each other?" Gabriel's voice brought them out of autopilot and back to the outside.

They were now almost in the living room, standing in the hallway. Somehow, they'd managed to finish getting dressed, get into the bathroom, brush their teeth, and shuffle out to the end of the hallway connected to the living room.

Alex defaulted to the front with a light smile. "Oh we're fine!" He walked over to grab his coat before putting it on, then finding Stella to scritch her behind the ears. "We're ready when you are, Gabe."

"Uh, what about the dog? Shouldn't you..... somethin' so she doesn't pee in the house?"

"Oh, oh yeah, right, one sec, I'll be right back!" He hurried to the bedroom again, pulled something from the pile of dog stuff, and quickly came back. Laying a large rectangular pad in the corner, he muttered, "She's trained to go on the wee-wee pads so hopefully she'll just go on this and the apartment will be fine."

"Oooookay then! Let's get out of here-wait no you didn't eat, grab the bag on the coffee table-it's got a breakfast croissant in it, and let’s get a move on." Gabriel had his hand on the door knob while he waited for Alexander to grab the bag, say good bye to the puppy, and turn to come to the door. Alex stopped, his expression hardened, he quickly turned around, roughly grabbed the forgotten pair of sunglasses off the table, slipped them on, and _then_ came to the door.

Gabe faltered before hesitantly saying, "Ernest now, right?"

Ernest grunted in response. "Just open the door."

Gabriel shook his head lightly, and they left for the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what my fic is.
> 
> Grown men arguing about cardigans.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belinsky drags their across town a few times, Ernest panics openly because he actually does care about people, and the museum gives them a few answers. But only a few.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay so this ended up being long. Guess it sorta makes up for taking over a month??? Hope you enjoy it.

The car ride was quiet. Ernest was focused on remaining alert enough to not mentally fall under but quiet enough to achieve some sort of peace, and Alexander awkwardly tried to balance ignoring the other's feelings of internal vertigo and his own growing stir craziness. Gabriel was quiet. Thankfully.

Belinsky, after a few stoplights, turned the radio up and started humming along. A song later, he was full on singing.

With Earnest's hand to their forehead to shield their eyes, Alexander started, "Could you please not-"

And Ernest cut in impatiently, "Stop that."

Belinsky did stop, but only for a moment. Slowly, he asked, "So you... Don't want me to stop?"

"Etch-no! I-we mean-!" Ernest sputtered.

Alex pushed him back mentally, Ernest giving way surprisingly easily, and answered. "We just have a-headache. Is all, maybe we could just listen quietly?" He pulled the aviators off his face and replaced them with his own pair of prescription glasses.

_What was that for? We don't have a headache._

_Actually your glasses were starting to hurt my eyes. You probably didn't notice. I figured a headache’s a better reason for him to stop it then telling him he's actually being really annoying right now._

Ernest was quiet. _Mm._ He said after a bit. He was thankful, even if he didn't say it. Honestly Alex was being annoying too, but he could tell that the only reason he was so annoyed with everyone was stress. On a second look, Alexander's frustration seemed to echo his own. The only reason _they_ were annoyed was stress.

Hand up again to shield their eyes, Alex tried to relax in their seat. For all his good posture, Ernest had tensed them up to the point that their teeth ached even after unclenching them.

Gabriel cleared his throat, which made Alex jump. "Oh! Were you saying something?"

"Only for the past few minutes. What way to your place?"

Alex groaned.

"Like I said, I think there's some painkillers in the glove box."

"Oh, thank you." Opening the glove box, he continued. "I don't need that much from my house, it's, turn left at the next intersection. Here let me map it on my phone for you." He pulled his phone out and fiddled with it, balancing it on the center console for Gabriel to see.

After that, he sat back in his chair and shut his eyes. "Mnn I'm just going to get something for my head when we get to my apartment."

Between Ernest's tenseness and the antsy feelings Alex was brewing up, they actually  _were_  developing a headache. Alex refused to let Ernest chew their lip or clench their jaw -an oddly strong impulse- as he laid back.

He was so focused on his breathing that Ernest's voice almost seemed to come from outside himself.  _You um. Something's botherin' you._

_"_ Mmm. _" Maybe._

_....What is it. Aside from the obvious._

_Obvious being?_

_Sharing a body with a stranger, what else._

"Oh."   _Stupid question...._

_So, what’s wrong?_

Alex didn't answer.

Gabriel sounded so much louder compared to their mental chatter. "Should probably tell you that you mumble when you're talking to each other like that."

"Uh what now?" Alex suddenly became decently more self-conscious than he previously was.

"Like you're whispering and stuff when you're talking to yoursel...fff's."

His face got hot as Alex panicked and glued his lips shut.  _What if he heard what I said about him being annoying!_

_He would've_ said  _something if he did, he doesn't keep his mouth shut, calm down, stop it, he will notice you doin_  this _!_

_You being like that isn't helping!_ It wasn't until after that he noticedhe had whispered his last statement, and he sunk down in his seat again. He glanced at Gabriel quickly to find that he was side eyeing them with a concerned expression that he quickly masked.

_Being what!_

"Youuu doin okay there.... Aaalex?" Gabe guessed.

Alex nodded quickly and smiled. "Of corse buddy." He sat up once more and cleared his throat. "Turn left here."

As they made the last few turns and pulled up to the apartment complex, Alex quickly got up and out of the car, leaning down through the door to talk to Gabriel. "We'll be back out in five."

"Gotcha." Gabe turned the radio up as Alex closed the door and hurried off.

_What are you getting here again?_

_Well_ now  _I actually am getting something for my-our head, thank you, and I need my laptop. I can't believe that I actually forgot it last night. I feel so..._

_Like you're missing something? I can tell._

_Oh. Uh. Yeah._ They opened the door to Alexander's apartment, which was only half as well kept as Ernest's -though he was the only one of the two to notice-, and Alex went straight for the bathroom. Ernest's general apprehension rose when they went in, but Alex chose not to make note of it and pulled the mirror open to reveal his medicine cabinet. The other seemed to calm down, which Alex anticipated. He pulled out a bottle and took some of the pills.

_"So",_ he started, "I'm thinking maybe we could stay here tonight? I mean we stayed at your apartment last night. It's only fair." He put the bottle away and went to get his laptop.

Ernest hesitated. It was only fair. And he knew that. There was a selfish inner part of him that still clung to saying no, however. "Eh,"

Alexander had kept a good front up which insisted that he didn't care that much, but Ernest was inherently behind that front now. Alex painfully wanted to stay in his own apartment tonight.

"Sure. Of corse. It's only fair..."

A wave of relief washed over Alex and he smiled bright, humming as he packed his laptop bag full of some odds and ends he didn't want to go the day without.

Finished up in here, they made their way back down to the car to find Gabriel blasting the music. When they opened the door he quickly scrambled to turn it down and uttered what sounded like an apology. Sitting, Alex smiled before switching his glasses out for Ernest's shades willingly.

He was still in full control for the first ten or so seconds before releasing his mental grip on their limbs so the other could fully connect to them. Ernest cleared his throat. It was weird switching back and forth between who had dominant control. And, for whatever reason, if felt like the more attention they gave to switching the harder it was.

Belinsky spoke up. "You got everything you need?"

"He got his laptop, we're good for now, we can go." He leaned back in his seat and tried to relax.

"Oh-yeah uh right, shades mean you're Ernest, right?"

His lip twitched. "We're always-ng. Yes. Aviators, you're definitely talking to me. And the glasses, you're probably talking to Alexander. But it's not like we can't both hear you all the time anyways, it's more about who's goin' to  _answer_ you _."_

_"_ Is there... any way for me to know for sure, or...." Belinsky asked hesitantly, pulling out of the parking lot.

There wasn't a response at first.

_Just assume you're talking to both of us._

_"_ Alexander says just assume you're talking to both of us."

"Okay."

It wasn't too long before they were at the museum, and it was only when he went to get out of the car that Ernest noticed that Alexander wasn't present. He stopped, half way out of the car, like a deer caught in headlights.

_Alexander?_

No answer.

He panicked.

" **Alex!?"**

Belinsky stared at him in utter confusion. "Dude what you shouting for?"

" _I don't know where Alex is!”_

“ _What do you mean_ you don’t know where Alex is, he can’t _go_ anywhere?” Belinsky nervously replied.

_What! What! What is it!_ Came a weak, disgruntled voice from the back of Ernest’s mind.

He held his head in his hands, taking deep breaths through his nose. _Where the hell where you? What just happened!_

_What just-you don’t get to be mad at me when you woke me up for no reason!_

Ernest paused.

_Asleep. You were asleep?_

“Hey guys you uh, you okay there?”

Yes _I was just sleeping, and I’m still tired so please unless there’s something you need me for, can I please go_ back _to sleeping?_

Ernest cleared his throat and straightened himself out. “We’re _fine_ , let’s just go inside and get this over with.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked into the building. _Yeh… sorry._ He thought. _Wake you when we start getting a full explanation for what the hell’s going on._

Belinsky jogged up to them and pulled open the door. He led them along to the main desk and talked to the attendant. Ernest kept quiet. Belinsky gave him a quick smile when he was done talking to the person at the desk. Ernest tried to smile politely back. They didn't say much while they waited for the curator to arrive.

After a little bit, an older dark skinned woman in a warm sweater and brown loafers who was carrying a folder came up to them. "Officer Belinsky, Officer Coghlan, Officer Demigliano?"

Earnest nodded to the woman and Belinsky brightened up. "You must be Ms. Duval." He shook her hand happily. “I'm Officer Belinsky, this is my friends Officers Coghlan and Demigliano."

Ernest grunted and nodded, feeling oddly shy.

Belinsky continued, "They're the ones who had the, um, accident."

Ernest suddenly no longer wanted to be there.  _Alex._

Ms. Duval reached out and shook Ernest's hand. They smiled to each other.

_Alex wake up, please._

There was sympathy in Ms. Duval's expression, but it didn't make him feel any better. If anything it made him feel pitied and uncomfortable.  _Alex!_

_Ah what what is it hi, hello._ They yawned. _What's going on now?_

_Take over for me._

_Huh?_

_Take over for me_ please.

_I-okay?_

Ernest quickly took his aviators off and replaced them with Alex’s round prescription glasses. Being able to see clearly made him feel more grounded, but it didn't improve the situation enough for him to want to stay. He shut his eyes and tried to relax enough for Alexander to seize control. Alex made them open their eyes with a clueless smile, and he glanced at Gabriel for help. Even though he wasn't in complete control anymore, Ernest was having trouble fading further back in their mind. Hopefully the distance would be good enough for now.

_Who are we talking to, what's going on?_

"So," the curator started.

_Ernest I need to know who I'm talking to help me out here_ come on.

"Shall we get over to the master builder's wing?"

"Yes!" Alex replied, masking his unpleasant confusion with a smile.

_Ms. Duval. Curator. We've just gotten here._ Alex yawned again and rubbed his eyes as they walked behind the kindly curator.  

_Okay. Anything else I need to know?_

_"_ Mmkay." He mumbled.

The city's museum was neatly kept and clearly taken well care of. It had high ceilings and polished wooden walls, an aesthetic Alex admired in things but always thought impractical, and the small wing dedicated to the history of master builders was no different. The entrance to it was closed, Ms. Duval having to unlock the doors and hold it open for them, but inside it was lit and mostly intact. It looked as if they were attempting to reorganize the displays that were stolen from, and were still in the thick of reworking the wing.

Ms. Duval led them over to an uncovered but incomplete display, where a table and a few books had already been laid out next to some boxes. She hovered over them, flipping a few pages over and bringing out a photograph of a relic, which Alexander recognized the shape of from the night of the accident.

"Now," Ms. Duval started, "I know you boys are busy folk so I won’t burden you with the complete history of the people who made this relic, but I  _will_ make you know the basics of what this piece was." She looked up at them. "Do you know anything about master builder relics, to begin with?"

"Uh," Alex started.

"I know about some of them." Gabe interjected. "I don't know about Alex and Coghlan though."

"I don't really know anything." Alexander admitted. "Ernest is saying he doesn't know anything either."

"Ahh better give you the cliffnotes of that too then. You see, the relics left by the ancient master builders are all highly specialized, one of a kind pieces created by the most talented and powerful master builders. There aren't any records of how they were made, which isn't surprising considering there aren't written records of how  _anything_  created by master builders exists, but for these, even the records of  _who_  made them are few and far between. That's less typical. Older master builder creations almost always are traceable to who made them. The reason for it though, is most of these items are attributed to the gods.  _Gifts_  you could call them."

"Um, okay. That's interesting. Uh but, what do they  _do_?" Alex questioned.

"They all do different things, like I said. One of a kind.  _Your_  relic is this particular piece." Ms. Duval pointed to the photograph she pulled out, and a drawing of it on the page of one of her books. "The Merger, it’s called. It had two main uses. One, to improve variety in crops, and two, to conserve space in the community. Particularly in the case of prisons."

" _Prisons?"_   Said Gabriel.

"Mhm. The prisons getting full, condense the prisoners into fewer bodies. You have twins, or multiple people believed to share a soul? Condense them into one body. It's inhumane and makes little sense to us now, but back then it was a common practice in the culture that used this particular relic. And if-"

"What about if you needed to split people up again?" Alex asked in an uncomfortable rush.

"I was about to say," Ms. Duval flipped the pages in his book and held it up. "This is the relic that would be used to separate the souls and bodies again. The 'Scepter of Que-Teep'."

The page had a fairly short paragraph detailing the scepter, but the rest of the page was taken up by an old drawing that showed the scepter and the many jewels that adorned it. Ms. Duval paused and gave the unfortunate officers a look that was boarding on mournful. "No one knows where it is, though. My best guess as to where it is is the Atlantis Ruins."

It felt like there was a slosh of pins and needles in Alexander's stomach, and he couldn't resist Ernest's nervous urge to clench their teeth and dig their short nails into his palms, fists tightly balled so their knuckles were white.

There was no way to just  _fix_ this. If  _no one_ knew where this scepter was then only the man upstairs knew when it'd be found- _if it was ever found._

The floor under them seemed to bend and the air suddenly became thin.

It felt like they’d been doused in ice water.

Gabriel hesitated, but reached out to touch their arm. Ernest jumped and gave him an alarmed look before quickly masking it with a strained but stern expression.

Ms. Duval tried to move the conversation forward, uncertain what else to do. "I'm sorry. I really am. This is a relic that historians have been searching for, for decades, if anyone had access to it I would get it to you _as soon as I could_ -but as we are the only thing we can do is wait, and, you should probably inform your friends and family, if you haven't already..."

Ernest's mind immediately went to his parents, who lived out in the country. He couldn't avoid telling them for long, they would be calling soon. They made a habit of keeping in contact with their only child and regularly trekked into the city to surprise him with hot home cooked meals, even when he told them they didn't have to and that he could just come pick it up if they really insisted on making dinners for him.

Alexander panicked; there was a flush of embarrassment underneath it that he tried to hide.

In his gruff tone, Ernest flatly said, "Mm, yeh. Yes. We'll make sure... to do that..." His eyes were glued to the floor. He was stiff. His gut insisted that if he looked up or said too much then something bad would happen.

There were a few moments of silence.

"We don't have all of our files digitized yet," Ms. Duval began in a sympathetic voice, "but I wanted to know if you'd like us to email you the scans of the articles about the merger and the scepter that we've got." 

Alex was about to say yes when, "No." Ernest said firmly.

Pushing for control, Alex jerked their head up to meet Ms. Duval's gaze. "Email  _me_  the files, I want them please." He rummaged through their pockets for something to write his email down on and felt Ernest retreat further into their mind like a shadow. There was a cold emptiness in the place he left behind.

Gabriel had a pen and paper out right when Alex had fished out his pen. Alex jerked back in surprise but took it from him and smiled thankfully. It already had another address on it, but he scribbled his own underneath it and noted his name next to it.

"I'd like to get those files too, please, if that's cool." Gabe mumbled, eyeing the half visible displays around the wing.

"Of course." Ms. Duval took the slip of paper from Alex. "Are there any other questions you have for now?"

Their voice caught in their throat and Ernest shook their head no, having returned to the front enough to half respond.

Ms. Duval nodded. "You can email me at any time and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, I'll try to get back to you within the day."

Alex pulled a brief smile and awkwardly eyed the door. Ms. Duval moved past them and they followed, Gabriel walking slowly next to Alex as he shuffled along.

Gabe threw them a few glances, wanting to say something that might help but unable to come up with anything.

Ms. Duval opened the door for them and they exited, ambling out to the car and sitting down. The silence in the car was uncomfortable. Gabriel looked over at the two of them as they sat, staring at the glove box absently. Inside, it felt to them like they were running entirely on autopilot, neither in real control of what they were doing but still numbly moving along.

Gabriel turned the key and the radio clicked on quietly. He turned it down further. "So, you, um, where to now?"

Neither answered at first, expecting the other to say something. Eventually Ernest cleared their throat. "I need to call my parents. Alexander needs to call..."

_I'm okay._  Alexander whispered back.

"...He's fine. So, um.. Home. Take me home."

"Your apartment it is." Belinsky pulled out of the parking lot.

_Wait but-_ Alex’s voice chimed in with panic.

_We need to get the dog. And I need some things._

_Oh, right..._ He berated himself quietly for forgetting about his baby.

Ernest pulled in a long breath, but very little oxygen made it to his lungs. The car felt small and trapping. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine a field spreading out and out around himself endlessly.

For a few minutes, no one said anything. The field that Ernest imagined rolled with hills and tall grass that stirred only slightly in the breeze, and in the silence, Alexander could see it too. And things were okay.

It wasn't long before the car pulled to a stop and Gabriel looked over at them. "So um, should I come in or wait or...."

And the field was gone.

Ernest grumbled. "Don't you have work?"

"Not till later?"

His voice caught in his throat again. “…Come wait inside.”

He could feel Alex shift nervously in his mind, and it felt like all of his strings were pulled taught and tugged on by the other man’s anxiety. He did his best to ignore both the feeling and Alex. Pulling out his sunglasses and slipping them on smoothly, he got out of the car and carried them up the staircase and into his apartment.

His teeth were clenched and his shoulders tense.

He wasn’t going to call his parents somewhere that was unfamiliar. It was going to be uncomfortable enough as it was. And that was an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna have the phone call be in this chapter, but it ended up being WEIRDLY LONG so I guess we're doin that next chapter, along with some other stuff.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... it's been a while. Woops. Sorr bout that. A lot of things have happened since I last updated -naturaly, since it's been a gosh dang yeAR HOLY SHIT- and this fandom has been kinda on the back burner for me since then.
> 
> This chapter was originally going to be longer, and actually go through the dinner scene. That's gonna have to wait though, because I'm having trouble getting back into writing this fic- despite really wanting to! I'm still invested in this story and the ones that're going to come after it. So I hope that I get to them and actually complete this whole thing.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Crushinonplasticblocks and Paperspot. Where ever you two are right now, I hope you know that your time in this fandom made it a better place. You both gave it so much. And though you probably wont ever read this, I really hope you're happy and that things go well for the both of you. Thank you so much.

Ernest didn’t look back, stepping over the puppy, on his way to his room. He heard Gabriel say something, but didn’t quite register it before closing his door and leaving the other man to do… whatever.

He could feel the solid weight of his phone clutched tightly in his hand as he paced around the room for a few moments. He looked down and stared at it.

Alexander could tell what was about to happen, and suddenly he felt excruciatingly intrusive. He sank back deeply in Ernest's mind until he was shrouded by thick mist, which deadened the echoes of the other’s thoughts. It was as if Alex was floating in a warm bath. Slowly, he drifted away in it.

Ernest didn't notice. He stood stiffly in his room, pondering the phone in his hand. He gave the door a paranoid glance before looking back down at it and dialing his parents’ home phone.

The phone rang three times, drumming on his ear, before a sweet and familiar voice picked it up. "Deputy Coghlan speaking, hello?"

He cleared his throat, struggling to find his voice. "Hello mummy."

The voice on the phone lit up. "Ernest! How are you dear? It’s so good to hear you." She paused. "Yeh sound like you've come down with something sweetie, you catch a cold?”

"N-no." Was his voice really so different now? "Not a cold." He corrected.

"Are yeh going to be alright?"

"I-" He paused. The words weren't coming to him and his voice caught.

"Ernest?" He was worrying her, he could tell.

"Could I come by for dinner, there was an accident." He meant for it to come out as a question, but it didn't seem to end up that way. He quickly added, "an accident with another officer", when his mother paused uncomfortably.

"Dear... What happened?"

"Its-mummy please don't worry about me. I'm fine. And I'm going to be fine."

"Ernest Maverick Coghlan you tell your mother what happened." She said in a worried, but firm tone.

Ernest was silent for a few long seconds. He spoke in a low voice. "There was an accident with a master builder relic." A knot was forming in his throat.

"What-"

"Mum please," he cut her off, voice failing half way through. He forced himself to speak despite his throat trying to close up. It came out as a whisper. "Please, I'll text you and da about it." He swallowed hard. "May I come to dinner with a," he faltered, "friend?"

There was a bit of muffled noise on the line, Ernest could hear his mum talking to his dad but he couldn't make out what she said. She probably had the phone covered up for privacy.

He took off his aviators and rubbed his eyes. A blistering tension headache had formed beneath his brow.

After a minute or two, she came back. "Of course dear! Of course. We'll make enough for the both of yeh. Be here at seven."

He made an affirmative noise. He'd have to tell them not to make too much food. "Thanks... mum..."

"We love you."

"I love you too." He managed.

He hung up.

There was a beat where he didn't know what to do, before throwing himself on the bed in a deflated mess.

Shit. Shit fucking-how the fuck was he supposed to get himself out to his parents’ house in the god damn country by seven o'clock without a fucking valid license and with some stranger constantly yapping in his brain. Chattering as though the man’s mouth was connected to his heart, and it would  _stop_  if he didn't keep yammering away!

There was no way in hell he was asking Belinsky. And it was equally implausible to ask his parents to come to the city to get him, as if he was some broke college kid with a busted up car.

He'd have to call a cab. He couldn't see any other options. Would a cab even take him there? He'd have to look it up. It would cost a pretty penny but what other way was there?

There was the possibility that Alexander might know a way to get there, but that would be as bad as asking Belinsky.

There was also always the illegal option. He quickly stamped that thought out and went back to his cab idea.

His phone was still in his hand, and his parents were waiting on pins and needles for their only son to explain what’s broken with him. 

It had always been easier to write than to talk. As a child, he's started writing them letters and post-it notes about the things he couldn't just say; detailed thank you cards, confessions about being bullied or being sent to the principal’s office. When he'd gotten a phone for his birthday one year, texting was practically a godsend. His parents were endlessly understanding people, and had long grown used to finding his notes, but the notes began to feel awkward to himself as he got older. Text messages were the perfect excuse. His first phone couldn't even make calls, texting was all he needed.

Where the hell was Alexander? Ernest sat up. _Alex? Are you asleep again? Hello?_

There wasn't an immediate reply, but after a minute or two, he could feel the other stirring somewhere quietly.

_Alex I need to update you._

_Like.... a computer?..._

_No, that'd be.... no. Why would you..._

He paused. _We're going to my parents’ house tonight for dinner._

Alexander's influence made him sleepy, and they yawned as Alex rose up near the front. Ernest rubbed their eyes as Alex examined the new soreness in their body.

_What time are we going?_

"Six-ish. Dinner is at seven."

Nerves jumped and simmered down in Alexander's stomach, and Ernest could feel a ghost of it.

_You and me both..._ Ernest thought to himself.

_Hm?_ Alex said.

_Hm?_ Ernest responded.

_We should go tell Gabriel about dinner._

_We're taking a cab; it’s too far out to ask him. They live out of town._

_S'too far to reasonably take a cab._

Ernest fell back on the bed. _We're taking a cab_

_Really, we should just ask Gabriel and see if he can do it, or if he can figure something out. I can tell you’re apprehensive about it but_ really _he's our best way of getting around, and he really doesn't mind._

_He'll probably be at work. He said he had work later._

Alexander didn't answer.

_I've already thought it over. We're taking a cab._

_Mmm_

Alexander didn't sound convinced.

Ernest sat up again and milled about his room, pulling a few things out in anticipation of going back to Alex's apartment to wait for dinner.

"What are your parents like?" Alex had woken himself up enough to speak aloud.

"...They're good people. Some of the best."

There were those pins and needles tearing around in their stomach again; Alex's emotions.

"You'll like them." Ernest muttered.

_I know._ Alex started sinking back again. It made Ernest uneasy and worried, but he wasn't sure how to voice it.

"...What about your parents, Alex..." He mumbled.

_I, um, I'm fine._

_Alex, please._

_I have some friends I need to call, but I can do it later. And most of the people who'd need to know are at the station so they probably already know a bit about it, we can just-cross that road when we get there._

_"_ What about your _parents,_ Alex."

"I don’t _have_ parents. _"_

There was a beat.

_Oh._ Ernest thought. _I'm sorry for..._

"It's fine, just, stop asking please."

_Yeh, yeh sorry, I was, um, rude..._

“Really, it’s fine. I don’t care.”

Alex looked around for something to carry Ernest’s stuff in and eventually found an old plastic grocery bag in the top drawer of his dresser. “Whats this doin’ in here?” He mumbled.

_Don’t remember._

“Oh. Need anything else?”

_Eh, um. My coffee, and my…._

“Your what?”

_Just get the yoga mat from the closet and let me get my coffee._

“Oh sure.”

Alexander puttered around the house, gathering things Ernest requested and piling them into the plastic bag. It felt very much to Ernest that he wasn't connected to Alex's body at all, but the stress from calling his parents weighed him down and made him not want to expend the energy to do anything but be carted around as a passenger for the time being. Eventually Alex finished getting everything Ernest needed, aside from his coffee.

When they came back into the living room, they found Gabriel sitting on the floor playing with the small puppy.

He stopped baby talking to her and looked up at them with an easy smile. "Hey, got most of your stuff?"

"Uh yeah," Alex replied as he moved across the room to the kitchenette. Ernest guided him through where the coffee was located and grabbed what he wanted. "Getting some other stuff real quick and we'll be down to go."

_Wait my kindle._

They heard Gabriel from the living room. "Super cool!"

Alex mumbled, "Where's it" before he ambled out to the living room again to pick the kindle up off the coffee table.

He clicked it on without thinking and Ernest surged to the front and quickly fumbled with his non-dominate hand -which Alex was still in partial control of-, to turn it back off.

" _Don't,_ " _please._ He shot out in a whisper and a thought.

Alex pulled away, flinching and relinquishing most of his control. He mumbled, "Sorry I didn't know."

"It's-it's fine... I'm sorry for snapping." Ernest mumbled back, feeling a sinking sensation sliding off of Alex.

Belinsky's voice cut in. "You okay?"

Ernest looked back at him. "Yeh, fine. We're fine. Get the dog and lets go, I think I've got everything."

Belinsky scooped the squirming puppy up and handed her over to a somewhat confused Ernest.

"What?" Gabriel ask, equally confused. "She's your dog."

"...No, she's-"

"Yeah, Alex's, yeah. Okay, well, your also standing in the same spot as Alex is so I'm giving him the dog too and you _just_ told me act like I'm talking to both of-you know this is silly, lets go."

Alexander held the puppy closer and she tried to lick his nose. He smiled. "No I got what you meant."

Bitting his lip for a moment, Gabriel opted to not question anything. "Great." He turned and headed towards the door and they followed him out to his car. As they strapped in and fumbled with the puppy, he spoke up again. "So you two're gonna be fine just being at Alex's place for tonight, right? Cause I've got work in a few hours that'll take up my time till way late so I can't really give you any more rides till way later tonight.

"You know you really don't need to give us rides all the time, we'll be fine. You have your own life to deal with, I know." Alex assured him.

Gabriel turned the car on and started driving. "S'not a problem. You need a ride, I've got a car. I'm not gonna make somebody take the taxi everywhere after something big like this."

Ernest piped up. "I can give you some gas money."

"Thanks, that'd be nice. So like you two are gonna be okay staying at Alex's for the rest of the day, right?"

"If we need to go anywhere, we can take a taxi." Ernest slipped his aviators on, the sunlight harsh on his eyes.

"Mmmmkay. If you really want to. But yeah text me if you need something after I get off work and I'll try'n help out. I get off at eight. I know taking a taxi works but it’s really not the same as getting a ride from someone you know. N'I get that." Belinsky kept flicking his eyes over to him, before quickly returning them to the road.

Ernest hesitated. "Yeah." There was a bit of a pause. "Thank yeh."

"No problem."

 

The rest of the drive to the apartment was uneventful, and so was the trek up to its door. Opening it, Alexander set Stella down and she sprinted off to re-explore the house. He then dropped Ernest's bag on one of the worn chairs in the living area, and his own laptop on the small table. He could feel the pit of Ernest's stomach ice over and chill his innards.

There was a moment of silence. "Yeah so this is my place, again, and... I can show you around?"

_I saw it earlier._

"Yeah but it’s different when I'm racing us through it to get my stuff verses me introducing it to you." _It might make you more comfortable._ He finished his thought privately, but he wasn't entirely sure whether Ernest had heard it or not.

Maybe he did, because Alex could feel him come closer to the front and could hear his thoughts more clearly.

_Ehm. Sure. Fine._ He needed some distraction.

Alex started showing him around the small, two room apartment. He’d gotten through most of it when Ernest’s phone went off. Ernest dug it out and checked it- cursing.

“What- what, what’s wrong?” Alex asked, not sure what he was looking at.

“I forgot to text them after I finished my call!” Ernest all but yelled.

“Well it’s… it’s probably fine, they won’t be _mad_ right? If you text them back right now?”

“No- yes, they would never be mad, they’re never mad they’re just…” Ernest struggled. “ _Disappointed_.” Disappointed was almost worse than mad.

He found the nearest seat and started texting back.

    Mummy> Ernest?

    Me> Sorry. Was tied up. Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.

    Mummy> It’s fine dear, so what did you mean to tell us after you got off the phone? About the accident?

    Me> There was a theft, and I ended up touching a relic called the “Merger” or the “Entwiner”. One of those, I forget which. It uh, merges two things into one. My partner also touched it.

There were a few minutes of silence, where Ernest felt like someone had poured scalding water into his stomach. He sat tensely, not sure what to do now.

Alex awkwardly mumbled, “Maybe send them a picture. So they know what we... look, like…”

Ernest lifted the phone, which felt heavy in his hand, and took a photo. With hesitation, he sent it.

    Me> This is what we look like. There isn’t a way to fix it.

    Mummy> Oh, honey I’m so sorry! Are you going to be alright? Who’s your partner?

    Me> His name is Alexander.

    Mummy> We can’t wait to meet him, even if the situation isn’t good. I’m so sorry, hun. :{

    Me> It’s fine. Thank you.

His arm fell limply to his side and he pulled in a deep breath. If last night was long, tonight was going to be longer.


End file.
